


I Know The Truth, I Was In Your Shoes, Evan!

by EvOuma



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, also i accidentally deleted everything of this and had to redo it i am suffering but happy, and fluff now i want fluff, i want to write some pure friendship after this, it's pretty brief but it's there i'm sorry, maybe i'll keep writing stuff bcuz now i want to write them awkwardly trying to be friends, trigger warning for talk of suicide attempts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:17:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11654925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvOuma/pseuds/EvOuma
Summary: Evan tried to convince Connor that they should spill the truth to everyone. They weren't friends before all this happened. This month was the only time they had ever talked or had any conversations and even then they barely knew each other.All they ever do is sit in a room together and hope no one walks in.It leads to some truth being told... but only between the two.





	I Know The Truth, I Was In Your Shoes, Evan!

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where Connor lives, but was passed out for awhile in the hospital. He still had the note and Evan panicked and lied like he did in canon, not knowing if Connor would make it.

Evan sat silently in Connor’s room, not knowing what to say. He lied so much and created that fake version of Connor, it was terrifying to actually be faced with the real one. The truth is, Evan didn’t know anything about him and it weighed heavy on his heart.  
   
“We should tell them.” He blurted out.  
  
Connor turned slightly, pulling out one of his earbuds.  
   
“Excuse me?”  
  
“W-We should tell your family what happened…” Evan struggled not to stumble over his words, averting eye contact as much as possible. “They would understand, right? I-It wouldn’t be a big deal!”  
  
“...No.” Connor sighed, turning off his music. “We can’t tell them.”  
  
“Why- why- why not? I don’t want to do this anymore… I can’t lie, I can’t do this…”  
  
“Evan, you can’t just back out. You started a whole project around me, you forged emails with Jared, you kept my family together during all this!” He started sounding more forceful and upset.  
  
“That’s not true! I mean, the family part I just-”  
  
“Oh really? They seem like a happy, normal family? Hey, what about Zoe? What about the relationship you made with this? You lied to her!”  
  
Connor’s voice boomed as he stood. He felt like Evan could lose him due to this no problem, but maybe bringing up Zoe would shock him.  
  
“She’ll understand! Zoe said she wants me for me” Evan scattered to try to get his thoughts together.  
  
“Yeah, but did you tell her everything you’ve built your relationship is on a FUCKING LIE?!” Connor was so furious. Why couldn’t Evan just see it was a bad idea?  
  
But when he turned to chew Evan out more, he saw that he had flinched away.  
  
“Shhhh, shhhh, Connor please… Please don’t be so loud…” Evan looked up at him, on the brink of a panic attack.

Connor saw that look and his anger melted slightly, turning his back on Evan and pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew how it felt to have a voice raised at him and feel terrified. He didn’t want to continue yelling, even if the situation was bad.  
  
_“God damn it, Hansen.”_ He thought to himself, letting the silence settle. _“Why do you remind me of…”_ That thought was quickly cut off as he spoke.  
  
“How do you expect to tell the truth when you can’t even tell yourself the truth?” Connor’s voice was strangely soft. Something inside him was a little broken, knowing what he knew.  
  
“...what do you mean?” Evan whispered, his hand going to his arm.  
  
“How did you break your arm?”

 “I-”  
  
“How did you break you arm, Evan?” Connor turned to face him again, he needed to see his face, his reaction. It was exactly what he expected.

Evan was taken aback, he was almost breathless. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him and his heart was beating at his chest to let it out. All he had to do was tell the truth, just tell Connor what he already suspected. It wasn’t that hard.  
  
“I fell.” He couldn’t do it. All the air that was seemingly knocked out of him came back and he was breathing faster, at the edge of hyperventilating. Lies, lies, lies. They were all around him, he couldn’t just escape it.  
  
“Oh, really, is that what happened?”    
  
“YES! I-I-I lost my grip and then I just… I fell so…” Evan was trying so hard to hold on to his version of reality.  
  
He looked up at Connor standing over him and found himself surprised. Connor’s eyes were full of tears, his face looking determined rather than angry now. He wasn’t strong enough to be angry at Evan for this anymore. He was already tired by being upset at himself.  
  
“Did you fall or did you let go?” It came out sounding calm and final as he sat next to Evan on the bed.  
  
Evan was brought back to that place. To the tree, to him climbing. He really did just want to climb a tree to see the view and get away from everyone and everything. That’s all he wanted, but he lost his grip and fell. Of course he caught himself on a lower branch, his arm sore, him full of adrenaline. He remembered how he struggled to breathe and went over what just happened. He could’ve died… How long would it had taken for someone to notice? Would anyone even notice? All Evan was was a quiet kid who no one talked to. He was too weird and awkward. Not even his mother would be around… He remembered how the helplessness and pain enveloped him as he exerted all his energy to hold on. He remembered how, in that moment, he didn’t care if he died right then and there. No one would.  
  
He remembered how he let go.  
  
“Evan…” Connor put a hand on Evan’s.  
  
Evan was snapped out of that vivid, terrible memory and realized how much his breath hitched and how many tears were rolling down his cheeks. He turned towards Connor and squeezed his hand, just wanting to feel something.  
  
“How did you know…” His voice was quiet and broken.  
  
“I know how that feels. I was in your shoes… when I was found in the park.” Connor looked down, not knowing why he was even saying this to Evan. “I bet you anything that I thought the exact same things. I still think the same things.”  
  
What followed was a deafening silence. What else was supposed to be said? They were two fucked up kids who had a deep seated self hatred ingrained into them.

“I’m not ashamed to be seen as your friend…” Evan whispered, still holding Connor’s hand.  
  
“...you don’t have to lie-”  
  
“I’m not! I just… it would be nice to actually be your friend rather than pretending. I don’t like the lying.”  
  
Connor smiled, letting tears fill his eyes. He couldn’t believe that he was proven wrong, Evan did care at least a little for him.  
  
“Thank you…”  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
Neither of them realized how much they were leaning on each other now, still holding hands. The warmth felt nice and they were so touch starved, they just let it happen. Connor laid back and Evan just followed what he did, both drained from emotions. The whole ordeal seemed pretty quick, but it still took a lot from them.  
  
“Hey, Connor…” Evan said sleepily.  
  
Connor just grunted a reply, one Evan took as “Dude, what?”  
  
“Can we listen to some of you music when we wake up?”  
  
“Yeah, Evan… Yeah we can.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhh thank you for reading! I hope it was okay! I really poured so much into this, I am so drained wow. I have so many more things I'm working on that I need to post from so many fandoms! (Piiiiiiiiiiiinkberryyyyyyyyy~)


End file.
